So I hear that England is a pretty swinging forien country where they speak English. So that's where I'm headed for the next month or so. I hope to bring you back some stories of poverty among the hipster youth in a land known for kick-ass pop and bad teeth.
Stay Tuned!
I'm working at the liquor store right now. I haven't seen a customer in about an hour. The television is my only source of entertainment.
While flipping through the TV listings I came across the following:
Dog the Bounty Hunter - "Stress Management"
Dog persues a fugitive at a homeless shelter and has a confrontation with the staff; makes a capture that turns violent and has a romantic dinner with Beth.
I've been up since 5 which is probably why I think that's the funniest thing in the world.
This exists.
I don't know why it exists but it does.
People have too much time on their hands in the first world.
I wrote a while ago about how I was super excited for Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus. I have seen it now and folks, I am dissapointed. How could I be dissapointed with something that promised to be so delightfully god awful? Because, ladies and gentlemen, when I set out to see a film about a shark that can chomp the Golden Gate Bridge in half - I don't need to know why he does it. Is it too much to ask for more giant creatures and less science trying to explain why they're giant? It's not "The Manchurian Candidate". Although maybe that would have been a better movie if Denzel crushed enemy submarines with his tentacles.
Jeeze Shakespeare! This is just getting ridiculous. 2 in one speech? Come on! We expect better of you...
Henry VI Act 3 Scene 7
TALBOT
Where is my other life? mine own is gone;
O, where's young Talbot? where is valiant John?
Triumphant death, smear'd with captivity,
Young Talbot's valour makes me smile at thee:
When he perceived me shrink and on my knee,
His bloody sword he brandish'd over me,
And, like a hungry lion, did commence
Rough deeds of rage and stern impatience;
But when my angry guardant stood alone,
Tendering my ruin and assail'd of none,
Dizzy-eyed fury and great rage of heart
Suddenly made him from my side to start
Into the clustering battle of the French;
And in that sea of blood my boy did drench
His over-mounting spirit, and there died,
My Icarus, my blossom, in his pride.
I love words and word play. This would include a distinct passion for rhymes. I pride myself on being on to appreciate a very clever rhyme, like Ira Gershwin's:
I never want to hear from any cheerful Polly-Annas,
Who tell you fate provides a mate it's all bananas.
from "But not for me". This tickled me with great delight my true love comes in with forced r
Typically I get my rhyming jollies from bad popular music. The Britpop band "Scouting for Girls" is a particularly perpetrator of forced rhymage. In their song "She's So Lovely" they feature this little gem,
I love the way she plays it cool,
I think that she is beautiful. (Pronounced Beauty-Fool)
Which doesn't sound like a compliment to me but hey, they have an accent.
I bring this up as I've been trying to make my way through all the Shakespeare histories this summer. While in the midst of Henry VI Part 1 I found this spectacular passage in Act IV Scene VII:
John Talbot:
Surely, by all the glory you have won,
An if I fly, I am not Talbot's son:
Then talk no more of flight, it is no boot;
If son to Talbot, die at Talbot's foot.
If you read it with a heavy Irish accent it almost makes sense...but not really. Scholars believe that Henry VI Part one was co-written with another author. This is probably one of the pieces of evidence they use.
If you're a lover of bad writing as I am you should check out Nick Page's In search of the world's worst writers. It's a fantastic little trip into delusional and eccentric writer's lives and their works. I have to warn you that it's one of those books you really shouldn't read in public because of the laughter it incites.
It's summer and that means that it's time for some fast food chain to boil down an entire continent to a specific regional cuisine. Last year KFC provoked my wrath with their taste of Asia campaign which I assumed was their attempt to cash in on the Beijing Olympics. Apparently I was mistaken - they were just being douches. Wendy's has jumped onto the "Taste of Asia" bandwagon:
Okay... am I now the only human being who doesn't find the idea of Sexy Scrabble strange very appalling? I was looking through the key words of my blog - searches people make on engines to get to my site - and although all 3 people left right away this is the searches they made:
That's creepy! I assume they left right away because they saw I was making fun of them and their unusual fetish. Still, it peaked my interested and I decided to see if Shaun was still hanging around the boards looking for a hot chat. He was gone...but he has been replaced:
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